Tuesday, October 6, 2015

10 On Tuesday


One of the most stressful things in life is to lose a loved one. The shock lasts for a while and sometimes you are just paralyzed. Out of the loss and grief come blessings if you can believe it. Last year when my brother died I was overwhelmed by the support my family received. It also made me more aware of what I can do for others who are grieving. 10 Things To Do To Be Supportive When Someone Dies 

1.  Text or send a message. Sometimes people just aren't up to talking about their loss. Messages are good because they can get back to you when they are ready. And those little messages are what helps to uplift somebody.  It took me months to respond to all the messages and texts but there were days when I just wasn't up to talking.  And everyone understood.
2. Ask what you can do to help. From canceling appointments to childcare. They all help. 
3. Offer to cook or bring food over. Something that freezes works well. A lot of people simply can't eat from the stress of it all. But when they can all they need to do is heat it up. 
4. Send a plant. Sounds silly but I cherish the plants we received and I love watching them grow. Something that can be planted outdoors is especially nice. 
5. When they are ready just visit and simply give them a hug. Just that feeling of warmth is comforting. 
6. Send a card. Sounds ordinary but I still have cards that I have not even opened from last year. Every once in a while I open one and it feels good to know that so many people care. 
7. Cry with them. People hold it in sometimes and just really need to let it out. And they need to be told it's ok to cry. 
8. Make a donation or help them set up one if it's needed.  Sometimes there are children left behind, or even pets or an organization that the beloved was passionate about.  
9.  Acknowledge their feelings.  It may seem crazy to you but everyone reacts to death differently.  
10.  Simply let them know that you are there.  Even if they don't need you at first, the months that follow are harder than you think.  Offer to take them out or come over and have a drink.  The grief process is long and different for everyone.

Thank you Carole for this wise and helpful prompt.  

9 comments:

Patty said...

Great thoughts Donna. Especially the idea of an outside plant.

Bonny said...

You've made a list of so many things that would help anyone in need of support. I also love your outside plant idea. There is a long-blooming azalea at my mother in law's house that happily reminds us of my brother in law every spring.

margene said...

You inspired me with many helpful thoughts that can be incorporated when the need arises.

mamasmercantile said...

A very useful list to have handy at a time you are not always thinking straight. Many thanks.

Carole Julius said...

I wish your list didn't come from personal experience but I know your advice is good because it did. Thank you for the excellent suggestions.

Tracey ~ Clover said...

Very wise and heartfelt list my friend.
My father died 18 years ago, I was nine months pregnant, the doctor's and airline wouldn't let me fly to CA for the funeral and a good friend gave me a Weeping Willow tree as a gift, one that I planted in the corner of my home. When the weather is nice I sit outside under this tree and think of my Dad, it's a gift I treasure.

Lisa said...

Thanks for sharing from your heart, here, Donna. These are all helpful ideas that I hope I'll remember when I need them one day. Blessings to you...

Kym said...

What a wonderful, thoughtful list full of great suggestions. XO

karen said...

a very comprehensive list, I think when people know you are thinking of them in any way it helps.

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