Monday, August 24, 2015

One Year

I have wrote this blog post in my head a hundred times.  Then I wasn't going to write it at all.  I try and keep my blog a positive space.  Most of you come here to read about yarn and what I'm making. I include some personal stuff.  Some I leave out.  Who wants to hear about negativity?  We live in a world full of negative.  

In thinking about the negative I realized there is positive in almost every negative situation.  And that's what I choose to focus on.  It's been a year since my brother's accident. Three days later he lost his life.  It was all a blur for the next few months.  Trying to recover from the death of a loved one is more than anybody would want to handle.  Then add the dynamic of trying to operate a business he ran and it becomes both overwhelming yet cathartic.  

Over the years I spent with my brother both personally and in business I learned that no matter what is going on around you - business goes on.  I snapped into business mode as soon as the accident occurred trying to do what I thought he would want. I have spent the last year doing just that. And I have learned.  The obvious is that life can change in an instant.  We all know this.  We are jolted into this reality whenever we lose a loved one.  Accidents happen.  There are things we can not control. You can't stop people from doing what they want to do even if there is some element of danger.  That would be like telling me not to knit.  You gotta do what you love.  And you have to laugh.  Even at the times where you don't think it's appropriate!  I occasionally make a comment about my brother and will make some sort of joke - people aren't sure what to think, but that's how we were.  We always found humor even in the strangest of circumstances.  



These were the last words my brother "spoke" to me.  I still have the texts.  I'm glad his last word to me was "Thanks" because I knew he always appreciated what I did.  I'm also glad we had that conversation about the boat inspection because the text before that ended in "WTF".  How's that for last words?  To be honest, his true last words after the accident to the driver who was with him before he lost consciousness were"Oh Shit".  See what I mean about a sense of humor in the strangest of times?  

I have also learned how kind people can be.  And how generous.  Generous with their time, their money, their words.  Truly amazing.  Life is different now.  Very different.  When the sadness creeps in I try and find some positive.  Because I know that's what he would do.  

P.S.  Click here to learn what my brother Michael was about.  He's the first one speaking.  And I know - we don't look anything alike!   



12 comments:

Bridget said...

Your brother sounds like he was a good guy, and lots of fun. Bittersweet anniversaries are so hard - you want to be positive and remember all the good, but then the reason for the anniversary in the first place sucks.

Have the best day you can today. And I hope you remember many more things you love about your brother. Take care.

Bonny said...

Thank you for sharing the good, positive, and what Michael was all about. That is a truly lovely way to remember all the wonderful things about him. The anniversary is tragic and incredibly sad, but I'm impressed and amazed at your ability to see humor, laugh, and go on with business in such a positive way. I'll be thinking about you and your family today.

Tracey ~ Clover said...

I was thinking of you this morning Donna and said an extra prayer for you as I was on my morning walk, wasn't sure why you were on my mind, but you were. Now I am here in your space and I know. Big hug to you my dear friend. Your brother sounds like he was an amazing soul and I know you and your family miss him.

Nichole Burke said...

Sending you lots of hugs today!!!

elizabeth said...

Yes, one is changed forever when one loses a close loved one so suddenly. I understand the humour. May God comfort you all.... sending a HUG to you!

Linda said...

I'm sending you hugs today! Thank you so much for sharing your brother with all of us....

Linda in VA

Chris Behme said...

Prayers for strength and serenity to you and your family.

Darcel {MahoganyWayMama} said...

Donna, I'm glad you decided to share with us.
Sounds like you had a great personal and working relationship with him.

Carole Julius said...

Grief is a process, that's for sure. Thanks for sharing your feelings on this, I'm glad you did.

karen said...

I've prayed for you over this year and knew your heart was grieving. Time heals and time softens memories and I see that you have gathered up the good memories and wrote a beautiful post of brotherly sisterly love and of hope and grace. I'm sorry about your brother. I am glad you wrote this post - it is beautiful!

Laura at Beehive Rugs said...

Donna, So sad to hear about your loss. My dad died last May and it is still hard. I will be lifting up prayers for you and your family this week. It leaves such a hole in our lives. Your brother looked like a special guy.
The book I have on my blog is helping. It's a tough trek, sometimes you just want to scream. The author lost her mom and her husband before she was 30 and is a psychologist. It is an interesting book.
So Sorry. I always love your comments and encouragement and look for you on Wednesdays.

elns said...

I have not forgotten. My heart goes out to you and I'm really really impressed with your ability to focus on the positive. I cannot imagine, but I'm glad you are healing. This is a bittersweet post.

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